I've come across this problem often during third year of medical school, but on a much lower level than today. My first clinical rotation in medical school was pediatrics, and one of the points on the teen checklist was "counseling". I couldn't really understand what that meant, and I tried to figure out where I had studied "counseling" or "advice" previously. Was it a behavioural sciences unit for the step 1 ? Did I go over it in my Introduction to Clinical Medicine course? Not at all. I was simply expected to sit there and use my years of experience to tell this child how to live his life. Who was I , though , to tell this child what they should and shouldn't do? Their parents are right there, right? Shouldn't they have already told the child whatever I would say? Shouldn't the child be listening to them? Then I noticed something interesting, I noticed the childrens' parents actually thanked me, and one said I was going to make a great doctor, another said I woudl be a great pediatrician even, and I started to realize there may be something to this whole counseling thing. They may really be on to something here, I may have stumbled on a bit of a goldmine here with the whole engine for social change mindset that I had previously adopted upon starting medical school.
The counseling was more medically specific in family medicine and in other rotations, never as generic and advice-based as it was in pediatrics. Today I went in a different direction with counseling. There have been other times where I've had to act as I did today, but today was definitely the day where I was the most up-front with someone over something that is obviously counseling, and given with almost no first-hand experience whatsoever. I walked in to tutor French and the mother said that she had asked the child whether he wants to do his session first or whether he wants her to do her session first. Then the child said "you go first mommy" so I start teaching her. Following her session, I start teaching the child, and him and I need to do two hours because the poor kid can't read French and he's falling behind in 1st grade French immersion (all subjects in French). The mother has to put the child to bed, so decides to serve the child dinner while I'm reading with him. This led to the child being more distracted than he already was, because he loves French but detests studying, and then making much more of a fuss over literally 10 pages of reading than he normally would force me to endure.
He's a great kid, and he's really lucky to have her as a parent, but after he left I told her that she had to, in the future, make sure he starts his studying early so that study time and dinner time can be completely separated. I told her that, if it meant less outdoor or recreation time for him (they were previously at the park) , then so be it. Having said all this, I thought to myself later on, who the hell was I anyway to be telling this mother how she's supposed to raise her children? It's not like I've ever successfully raised a child, or two, while holding down a full-time job. My child isn't going to be in French immersion, so how would I know what she has to deal with every day? On the other hand, if I don't try to correct that which I think is wrong with the child's study schedule, what is she going to end up doing when the teacher says that the boy has to be held back? She'll have to pull him out of French immersion for him to continue going through the school system. How badly would that weigh him down that he's failed a grade and has to be held back? These decisions, I figured, would have to be avoided by ironing out the creases in the kid's schedule. I just hope she doesn't hate my guts or anything, because I'm trying to do what's best for the child. I guess giving advice sometimes or usually means saying what people don't want to hear. That must be why it's considered such a rare and sought-after skill. Who wants to hear others volley back "What do you know?" or "Well, that's just stupid" or "Why should I listen to you?" Maybe I'm too hard-headed to care, because I seem to give advice all the time. I've cut down on the imposition of my ideals considerably since I joined medical school, mostly out of lack of time or energy to engage in arguments. I'll still throw in the occasional fortune cookie wisdom.
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